REFLECTIONS: Followers, Likes and (fake) Friends

Have you ever shared an article, posted a quote or wrote something profound only to receive zero interest, views or likes?

Then you see someone else post an ignorant quote, a filtered selfie or exercise video and it gets hundreds of likes, loves and wows and you wonder WHY?

Confused and with a surge of emotions such as self-doubt, envy and wonder begin to cloud the mind.

When an individual unfollows, unfriends or blocks you, do you feel twangs of curiosity or even get upset? Maybe it was an ex-lover or ex-spouse, a relative, a high-school acquaintance or an individual you believed to be your friend friend. Maybe they held no value in your present like a residual cling-on from your past that you simply haven’t omitted from your present. Or maybe they were complete strangers who showed up on your list one day and then left.

You wonder what you may have done or said to upset them or maybe you know exactly what triggered their departure. You put forth energy and effort into dissecting interactions, past and present.

You click on their profiles and scroll through their pictures, checking out their ‘life’ or their ‘birthday’ or their photos, looking for a clue even though you profess not to care. You try to piece together the reasons why.

You are addicted to followers, likes and fake friends!

So many of us are ‘friends’ with people we have never even MET. We hold no form of relations with these people in REAL LIFE, and we yet crave their attention, their connection and their validation!

These ‘virtual’ buddies or the weird person who shares some faint connection with you such as a fitness, crafting or animals interest become your ‘circle’ and the tangible folks in your life become backlights.

You might be one of those individuals who seems to have a portfolio of prostitutes as their ‘top showing’ friends or who can always be found liking or commenting on pictures of other men and women, especially those who are married or in a relationship and whose actions are anything but integrity.

You might wonder why you haven’t seen anything ‘pop up’ on your feed from a certain individual and you begin to ‘investigate’.

You might scroll through your husband’s or girlfriend’s friend’s list, wondering who a particular ‘commenting’ individual is in their life or their connection since they’ve never spoken of them. You possibly get triggered by someone’s comment, like or ‘heart’ on a picture or video, especially if you are mutual ‘friends’ and they only seem to like your spouses or significant others posts and pictures.

It could be that you spend your ‘free time’ scrolling through feeds and tweets and pictures, in search of something to LIKE or to SHARE. You desire a moment they will elicit attention from your ‘friends’, and put additional time and energy into it, no matter if it’s positive or draining.

When you sit down in between tasks or at the end of the day, you open your social media feed and get lost in the obsession of checking likes and comments. When you pick up your phone, you check Instagram for approvals and comments or open Facebook to see what others are saying.

Maybe you are one to sit in your car or your bedroom or the bathroom at the local gym and take pictures of yourself in the mirror, hoping for that ‘best face’ or the sexy pose that will get you likes and comments…that will earn you attention.

Maybe you ‘like’ or are a ‘member’ of a variety of interest groups who share a connection, such as spiritual groups, fitness groups, outdoors groups or animal lover groups. You initially seek them out for a ‘connection’, but then you find yourself checking posts, comments and more often than not, wasting your time reading, sharing and commenting on IRRELEVANT topics relative to your life!

The truth is…

You are imprisoned by social media. We all are if we choose to be.

I’ve had the honor of knowing ONE individual who successfully aborted his social media cage, in all of the people I’ve encountered in my life. An entrepreneur with family and friends who didn’t care about likes or content or growth or his message. In fact, he used the interaction to validate my message in that society’s drug, it’s addiction, is social media and their need for attention; their need for an identity.

One man. He simply disappeared from the network, the grid, the buffet table of searchable options.

My dream!

I’ve seen many try to get out, but something, some excuse, some need or some reason always ALWAYS sucks them back in. They lay low never posting or commenting, or lurk from behind the scenes and sometimes, they just appear.

They might attempt to clear up their addictive tendencies by removing the apps from their phone, proclaiming LESS social media time. However, you can best bet the site will be accessed via another route.

Some shut off notifications altogether, similar to removing all alcohol from the home of an alcoholic as a means to lessen the addiction, but to no avail. They will find another source.

They come back and snuggle up to the reception of the masses, the likes, the comments, the banter and the emojis. It’s their identity!

You may hold ‘values’ about not scrolling when you are in public with your boyfriend or significant other or may speak against others you see in total disconnect, but then you will sit in your own home side-by-side or across from one another simultaneously scrolling on your computer or your phone. Of course, YOU will have a valid reason.

It is hypocrisy.

And then there is the secrecy! When someone comes from behind, you quickly close the tab for fear of being ‘caught’. When someone walks in the room, you close your phone and set it down…face down.

When you pick up your phone to simply get through the awkward silence of just being, or because your partner doesn’t want to talk to you or is upset or is thinking, they may protest, saying things like ‘you are always on your phone’.

Of course, the secrecy and lies emerge:

‘I’m checking email’

‘I’m responding to my mom (sister, friend)’

‘I’m checking the weather’

When you are in a room with your friends, are you on your phone? Do you sit on the couch or at the dinner table with your beloved by the light of the screen? When you are at your desk, do you have a tab open to check your Facebook feed or twitter tweets? When you lay in bed, do you grab your phone and scroll if you are unable to sleep or before your spouse comes to bed or when you wake up or when you are just laying there? Do you take your phone into the bathroom with you, answering emails and texts from the toilet or scrolling your Facebook feed,

Tagging others in posts or liking someone else’s selfies while doing your ‘business’?

We are not free. We are held prisoner by our NEED for attention. We are caged. Held captive by our EGO.

We post our pretty picture that we find value in. We make statements of absolute about topics we feel important. We choose sides and choose division by speaking our minds. And then we waste energy and time wondering:

Why did she unfriend me?

Why didn’t anyone like my post?

Why doesn’t my husband or wife like MY pictures even though they were on FB and liked another girls/guys stuff?

Why? Why? Why?

We respond with becoming more edgy and showing extra boob or a filtered sexy face….for attention. We make a post to ‘shame’ others into knowing our values, because they are the ONLY acceptable values allowed. We retaliate and ‘like’ pictures of other men or women, or comment on their smile, muscles and aesthetics, since our beloved doesn’t seem to like our stuff.

We make public comments about how ‘non-family’ people are family or how much we ‘love’ someone in our life who isn’t our spouse or child…knowing full well our own beloved will SEE this.

Yes. We all do it.

We are held prisoner by our own addictions and despite holding the key to freedom, we are so addicted to LIKES, SCROLLING and FAKE INTERACTION that we are incapable of setting ourselves free.

What if….

You left your phone in the car when you went into the gym or the grocery store or the mall?

You vowed to eat lunch or dinner without electronics in front of your face, possibly taking the time to let your spouse talk for once about their dreams without your criticism or negativity? Listening with curiosity?

You turned your phone OFF for the day or 1 hour before you get into bed every night or put it on airplane mode for alarm purpose only and vowed not to turn it on for an hour after you awoke?

You put it in airplane mode when you are with your spouse, your kids, your family, allowing only for images to be taken without the need to share with the world?

You stopped posting your trips, your face, your food, your ‘lift’, your religious quotes, your bar selfies or political rhetoric on the daily?

You slowed down or stopped screen-shots or sharing stuff altogether?

I do it. You do it. If you have an account, you are doing it too.

It’s no wonder social media and electronics are cited as the NUMBER ONE reason for DIVORCE, especially due to INFIDELITY, and listed as a direct reason for the RISE IN DIVORCE!

Relationships are destroyed due to discovery or suspicion because of one or all:

*spending too much time on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

*liking other’s pictures or commenting on them

*hiding posts and comments they are from ex husbands, ex wives, ex partners or ‘friends’ and even strangers

It’s been studied, and data found that a concern over someone’s Facebook or social media behavior or the gut feelings they are hiding messages, having secret conversations and other inappropriate messaging is MORE VALID than we realize.

This is why I leave my account OPEN on my phone and my computer, for my husband to scroll freely if he ever feels a twinge of concern, even though he trusts me and I trust him. Not by his request, but by my own integrity.

He can view my history, my likes, my comments, my texts, my messages, not because HE has ever requested, but because do not fear any actions or conversations and hold no secrets.

He holds the same respect for me.

Social media is the biggest source of data collection, used for our government and the corporations to hedge you into controlled behavioral patterning.

Your eyes, my eyes, are tracked when typing, scrolling, searching and liking. Each search, each like, each share, each comment, each gif is tracked and a profile is created on you against your will and knowledge that holds everything you do electronically.

Think pop ups are RANDOM?

Believe ‘sex’ emails are just SPAM?

Do you honestly hold truth that the ADS you get are unrelated?

Think again.

The porn site in your spam folder is linked to something searched, something typed on YOUR device or your account.

Your LIKES of other’s stuff.

Your VIEWS of others pictures.

Your COMMENTS and SHARES.

Your need for identity!!!

Breaking the self-imposed chains for our addiction isn’t easy. It takes support. It takes a collective effort. It takes warrior strength.

Be the change.

Seek to ‘unlike’, ‘unfriend’, ‘unfollow’ and even ‘block’ all from your life who do NOT positively serve your journey!

Maybe others have removed you from their friend’s list for that same reason because they are brave.

Break fee!

Published by NikkiAlbertVasquez

Our passion is men's, women's and couple's wellness, from being strong and independent to conquering the roadblocks that hinder valuable goals. We are here for those who are READY for CHANGE, who are WILLING to make CHANGE and who are seeking support and guidance on their journey. As a couple, we have quickly grown into a powerful team, the Viking and the Apache, helping men and women discover their own strengths, heal themselves and bring light (knowledge) into the world. It is our mission to help others reclaim their power, integrity and truth so they can heal the world!

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