Today, I received news. It wasn’t bad news or even news that impacted me in any negative way. It was more like a ripple from a pebble dropped into a still pond years ago.
I knew in my heart and soul, this news would likely surface. This news was validation of that which I KNEW years ago to be truth, but was physically and emotionally beaten into submission to believe otherwise.
Upon hearing this news, there was no sadness or suffering, but rather factual validation that indeed my intuition was AGAIN SPOT ON! My intuition, or gut feeling some years ago that he was a predator and a man of zero honor or integrity. Another man who created his false empire by crushing, abusing and destroying women and their families to get there. With factual validation, and a subtle feeling of satisfaction they quickly faded, I reminded myself to trust the gut.
Several years ago, I had found myself in a state of absolute confusion. I felt something at such a deep level, yet when I questioned the feeling, I was met with anger, rage and even accusation and contorted views of why I would even ask!
For years, I fought the confusion and remained silence. But at times, it would surface and I would inquire, creating violent emotional outbursts against me.
A reaction I now understand as being THEIR areas of deficiency and insecurity, but at the time, they were able to keep me feeling as though I had a problem.
These episodes of violence escalated and became twisted; the spotlight of accusation turned onto me. A confusing matrix of ugly twists and turns became more of an entrapment, or web, designed to deflect and paralyze me.
This worked for years, even with a sense of reward to the other party because they were able to completely turn away from responsibility for any destructive harm they were causing others.
I worked very hard to try and understand their perspective, at the sacrifice of my own. .
His pattern of seduction with his victims was through offering or encouraging private training.
He used private fitness training as the bait. He drew each of his victims in with a cool demeanor and humble charm. He spoke of honor and integrity. He claimed to honor a warrior’s creed….but a warrior, he was not.
When I stood in my power against him and spoke up, bringing to the surface the truth…when I called him to the war table for his crimes of humanity and crimes against me through lies, deceit, cheating, he turned violent. Violence against me and against himself, stabbing HIMSELF in the chest out of desperation, all to create a lie that would make him appear to be the ‘good guy’.
His coward demeanor surfaced. I had exposed his truth and now, he was desperate. The so-called defender of ‘women’ revealed his truth….He hit me, he grabbed my foot and pulled me to the floor from an elevated surface, he grabbed my shoulders and slammed my head into a floor….and then he walked into another room,grabbed a pair of scissors and threatened to stab himself in the chest IF I called the police. ALL BECAUSE I stood up to his ‘secrecy of infidelity, his jealousy, his rage and his abuse.
He followed through with his threats and stabbed himself with the scissors.
Lucky for me, I was able to record the entire incident. He was in such a rage, he had no idea he was on film. I was able to show the video to police and send a copy of the video to a safe and legal place.
The legal authorities only had to remind me once of just how violent this man could become and how the next call may be the coroner to pick me up. One trigger. One more incident. One more time of me standing up.
HARSH truth. A warning I heeded.
I lost a lot in those next few weeks. So-called friends turned against me, even treating me as the bad guy as this man carefully constructed a story of twists and turns….the same web he had held me in. Women friends I gave my honesty and vulnerability to, turned their backs on me…. for which I hold so much gratitude for that I don’t have them and their toxic lives in my present.
But at the time, I was blind.
I was lucky to escape with only a concussion. Although there had been previous displays of rage towards me, a couple of times I met with my own temper tantrums as a result of his cornering me with very hateful verbal assaults. He was physically abusive to my son, to me and continually crafted and contorted stories full of justification and exaggeration in absolute true narcissistic fashion.
But me and my son, we were safe from his abuse. His lies, his rage, his deceit and his secrecy.
I worked hard to heal myself from the abuse, the jealousy, the rage, the contempt he had towards me. I worked hard to unweave the web. I worked hard to let go of those individuals who claimed to be my friends. I worked hard to release the confusion and grief. I worked hard to help my son heal from the trauma of watching this man abuse him as well. I worked hard to see through all of the lies and fake ‘letters’ of love, gifts and tokens as they were cover ups to his secret life with others.
From the day I walked away, I never spoke to him again.
I healed. I faced. I grew. I encountered the truth with him…and the lies he told me about certain women, his hacking into my personal accounts, his domination and control.
He was so ugly in every way and the release of ‘Little Lion Man’ became easy.
Now, I look at the news with factual knowing. Not grief or pity, although pity and sadness comes to mind for those who endured the collateral wave damage….the children, the innocent spouses and the friendships.
I see full circle that my very gut intuition was CORRECT. The people I suspected. The situations that were confusing. The ones who pretended to be friends with me but were deceiving me and their own spouses all along.
When our guts speak, there is a reason to listen. The mind may weave a story of its own careless inferences, but the gut is revealing something needing attention.
Even when others attempt to say you are wrong or try and discredit your thoughts and words, stay the game and stand.
Trust your gut. On people, on places, on situations.
Trust your intuition.