Earlier this week, I sat in reflection of why some people were genuinely nice and others, entitled assholes.
I had just gotten off the phone with a man who, whether knowing or not, was being a rude to me. He was argumentative, blaming, over talking and condescending. Every sentence he spoke was dripping with negative energy.
Those who know me KNOW I will only take so much of a person’s abuse before I step up and take over the wheel.
And guess what? I had listened to enough!
Although not with any intention to be rude in return, I did find my dominant voice and sternly erected my boundaries. I over talked him using my boundaries as a rigid method to get him to either shut up and listen to what was going to happen or to get him to hang up.
Either way, I was in control over this moment.
Growing up, I was taught that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. What that meant to me as a child is that you get better responses by being nice to people.
And there it was….a reflective light! Sometimes, it is highly appropriate, almost essential to NOT be nice, kind, understanding or even accommodating.
I interact with some of the most intelligent, articulate, deep, kindhearted people I have ever met on a daily basis. I love their spirit, their gifts, their knowledge, their higher thoughts and the wisdom they bestow upon me in the moment. I genuinely want to be nice to them!!!
They are not entitled, demanding, not easily triggered, negative or rude. Are they using honey? Maybe so!
And then I experience the opposite vibrational force and I genuinely try to be NICE, even understanding, to them as well. More often than not, being nice does not help.
In fact, it emboldens them to continue being rude, negative and over talking me.
So how do you stop people from being assholes to YOU?
You change the interaction by setting up your parameters (aka…boundaries) of tolerance and fully embrace the very fact that you cannot change them.
Assholes are just assholes. Period. It matters not how nice or understanding you are of their ‘behavior’. It matters not how careful you are to prevent triggering them into a volatile outburst or them being upset. They are who they are at their core. They cannot change their core and honestly, should not want to. Moreover, we shouldn’t expect them to!
So why do we try to be more understanding to their situation and be less authentic in ourselves because of it? Why is it appropriate to take their abuse because they are mental, elderly, struggling, sick, or whatever justification is doled out for their toxicity?
I am certainly not suggesting being mean or combative in return, but I am suggesting putting up your personal boundaries of what you will tolerate without emotional drain and stay within those boundaries. You can be witty, comical or straight up professional. But honor yourself by not succumbing to those who are assholes.
You are in control.