Just Being a GUY: Enabling Rape Culture

Yesterday, I attended a popular fitness competition with hundreds of men and women walking around in what is more akin to beach attire. As with any popular group activity, there is a unique and acceptable amount of ‘trendom’ associated amongst the group.

Athletes with a purpose!

Somehow, in the company of my own husband, I didn’t feel weird, awkward or even less than. I never felt as if he struggled to NOT ogle or objectify the women. He kept me safe and I felt as though I was his queen. It’s that inherent trust he has helped me build.

Honestly, I was so focused on MY own purpose and my athletes that I didn’t find any time to take notice of the skin buffet.

While here, my beloved ran into a couple of men associated with his past. One, a ‘coach’ himself whom my husband speaks of with marginal respect and the other, a married man he use to call his friend, but as he watches this ‘friend’s behavior and the way he disrespects his own wife through his flirting, lewd sexual behavior and opening proverbial sexual doors with other women, he no longer considers him anything more than a mysoginistic man lacking in integrity, degrading and disrespectful of women.

This friend is simply another male who perpetuates RAPE CULTURE http://www.wavaw.ca/what-is-rape-culture/ in our society. He is the same guy hugging your daughters, wives and female friends, thinking and even speaking loudly how much he’d like to ‘bend them over’, while his words, posts and public face all say otherwise.

I’ve held relationships with many men, from romantic to platonic, and there is a certain low and sickening vibrational frequency that is associated with these individuals.

Conversations and stories with my own husband have brought to light the TRUTH that MOST males, up to a staggering 99%, are now wired defectively to treat women with disrespect, abuse, infidelity and as merely objects. My husband has been ‘labeled’ by his male peers as THAT GUY WHO RUINS IT FOR THEM, when actuality, he reminds us that not ALL men are cut from this tainted cloth.

I digress….

The next morning, my beloved shared with me a disturbing interaction occurring with these two ‘men’ that deeply upset him and led him to a concrete statement regarding them:

‘I AM FUCKING DONE’

Over the past three years, my husband has privately expressed intense disdain for his ‘friend’s’ overt flirtatious and mysoginistic behavior towards teenage and YOUNG women, but also towards women in general. Shaming overweight women through the sending of pictures, commenting sexually about women’s body parts, making lewd comments about sex and twisting most interactions into something sexual. In fact, each time this individual’s name comes up in our life, it has something to do with his overt and sneaky ways of trying to get in a young girls pants and yet, it is dismissed as him ‘just being a guy’.

Last week, we visited a local restaurant where a waitress directly approached my husband and acted like she had some past connection to him. She was talking to him, asking about his ‘brother’ who always use to come see her when they would eat out. He said to her ‘oh, you mean my friend’, stated that he doesn’t hang out with him anymore and explained to me that when he and his ‘friend’ use to meet for Mexican food, this was a waitress the friend would try to sleep with. It had been 4-5 years, but she remembered my husband’s friend very well and lit up in an uncomfortable sort of way.

There were so many experiences mine this:

Another story of him flirting and making lewd comments with a waitress at a local sports bar while ‘hanging with the guys’…I happened to be there and it made me uncomfortable for both the way HE talked about and to the waitress and his own wife.

Another story of this individual talking of sexually explicit behaviors with a group of men my husband use to hang around about the young girls working out and my husband stepping in the middle calling them out. Of course, this upset the group for ruining their ‘male’ fun.

Another story of this same guy trying to CONVINCE my husband to sleep with a young girl at a bar (even saying ‘your wife will never know) because there was a disagreement in his marriage.

Another story of this same guy suggesting to other men where to go to chase ‘tail’ and find a ‘piece of ass’ and showing the way!

I ponder every time, how does one tolerate this behavior? How do they allow it or dismiss it? His answer was always an excuse out of obligation.

Over and over, story after story, when it comes to being a mysoginistic pig, womanizer and cheat, this friend’s name surfaces. But this time, my husband had enough. Enough to be DONE with this guy.

As my beloved told me the story of how his friend had pulled him aside, away from me, at the competition…where my husband was there to support his WIFE/PARTNER/COACH, his GYM, and his ATHLETES, and attempted to engage him in a sexual discussion about all the ‘hot ass’ running wild, my husband just looked at him and said

‘I don’t know what you are talking about’

His friend tried again to engage my husband in a ‘Tits n Ass’ conversation about the hot sexy babes in bun huggers and sports bras and what he wanted to do with them, but he refused to engage him.

This ‘friend’ had twisted a very real competitive environment into some pornographic buffet for his sexual pleasure, and was so sexually stimulated that he couldn’t contain his excitement. The same guy hugging your daughter or your wife at the gym!

My beloved didn’t engage. He disengaged. He felt this behavior was enough to draw a line in the sand. My beloved witnessed the true core of this individual, although he knew it was in there all along. My husband had always given hope to this person simply being misguided, but on this day, he realized this person is indeed a predator.

My responses to my husband’s reveal were many. I couldn’t believe (wait….yes I could) that this individual continued his attempts to drag my husband into cheating conversations.

I felt sadness, anger and a need to save all of womankind!

1. Emotion was my first reaction. My eyes instantly filled with tears as my heart shattered for all women who were wives, partners or in romantic relationships! It felt like a punch to the gut. The fact this man treated his own wife so badly (did she even know?) and that ALL of the signs were there screaming to her that he was a cheat and was looking for an opportunity to sleep with a young girl! We all saw it. Alas, she is rarely with him so she does not see. I hurt for the safety of the competitors and for the girls at my own gym, knowing I had vowed to give them a safe space free of ‘this’ kind of predator.

2. Anger followed! I did not want this individual in my space ever again! I was tired of us spending so much negative energy on entertaining, even allowing his behaviors. We were enabling a follower of RAPE CULTURE! We were allowing his disrespect of ALL women by ignoring his abusive behavior as ‘just being a guy’. BULLSHIT! He’s a fucking predator! Women deserve to be seen, NOT as objects of sex or shame, but fully intellectual humans with a RIGHT to fucking not be cat-called, ogled, displayed or ridiculed/enjoyed for the size of their body parts.

I am SICK of this FUCKING society, including family, friends, and acquaintances dismissing RAPE CULTURE behavior, chronic flirting, infidelity and the overall disrespect and objectification of ALL women! Women are the KEY PORTAL for every human to enter this life! They are the wisdom keepers and the intuitive counsel for all things.

3. I am ready to set my boundaries!!!! I expressed to my beloved that we are the company we keep and although he may indeed feel some bizarre ‘obligation’, I do not want this sleaze in MY space or in the space of the women we hold space to protect from men like this! I could not give ultimatums, but I did say if this Individual walked into my space ever again, it would be KNOWN to ALL, and WHY, what kind of mysoginistic abusive PIG he is.

4. Absolute gratitude! Then it totally washed over me that time and time again, my husband has shown me what a real man acts like and that he isn’t cut from the same cloth as 90% of the creepy males! My husband HAS integrity! My husband is a man I CAN trust! I felt so honored to be able to have one of the 1% in my own present. To me, this was more valuable than anything else.

It means more to me as a woman to have a husband I can fully trust and who is honest with me than having a husband that looks a certain way when we go out, drives a nice car, is respected in societal groups, etc.

I too am DONE!

Although I want to confront him, to tell his wife the truth…but alas, I am unable to do so for it is not my problem. It is theirs. I can only control my actions to be the best loving wife I can to my husband. I can only hold gratitude for the growth experienced with my own marital relationship, in spite of its own bumps….never with trust. I can continue to praise my beloved for being that 1% and continue to protect the space we designed and constructed for SAFETY from this type of predator. The space designed to eradicate those who engage in behaviors attune to RAPE CULTURE!

How does one STAND and fight for political righteousness, moral and ethical values, expectations towards the family and church, definitions of a union, who should be allowed to ‘carry’ and yet, be a living example of the most destructive behavior to the very core of what sets all of the other beliefs in motion?

I stand for women, wives, the feminine!

I hold sacred OUR entire being and will cut ties with those who feel a need to comment on the PARTS of a woman with a low frequency connection! A woman is not an object and deserves the same respect as a powerful queen, Jesus the healer and your very own daughter!

Stop enabling RAPE CULTURE by perpetuating the ‘he’s just a male’ behaviors.

Step up! Speak up! Leave! Whatever it takes to shut this shit down.

Otherwise, you too are harboring the next potential RAPE.

Published by NikkiAlbertVasquez

Our passion is men's, women's and couple's wellness, from being strong and independent to conquering the roadblocks that hinder valuable goals. We are here for those who are READY for CHANGE, who are WILLING to make CHANGE and who are seeking support and guidance on their journey. As a couple, we have quickly grown into a powerful team, the Viking and the Apache, helping men and women discover their own strengths, heal themselves and bring light (knowledge) into the world. It is our mission to help others reclaim their power, integrity and truth so they can heal the world!

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